I hurt

I hurt, I hurt clear to the bone, and my entire heart mourns the loss of our time together, both the good and bad.

There’s nothing I can do about it, im powerless, this makes me intensely and insanely mad

I don’t want to feel this way, please please please make it go away

I wish I had a life eraser, time machine or even dementia…such a horrible thing to say

But this pain inside of me is reaching up to unbearable levels and I cannot bear it

God is working in my life and this is part of the journey but, I’m telling I just need it to quit

I don’t feel alive, I have no hopes anymore. I don’t want to dance and I don’t want to sing and I don’t want to have fun

What I want to do is throw myself into a fire, scream and cry or die, but it wont change things…what’s done is done

It hurts, I hurt, this pain is bad; like cancer eating at my soul causing malignancy so deep it makes me groan

It isn’t going away, it doesn’t get better no matter what I do. If it wasn’t for God I’d be completely alone.

This wasn’t God’s plan, but i wouldn’t listen, now my past has caught up with me, I have little future left. I’m full of decay and utterly unfit

The worst part, the very worst part of all, is I hurt others and to them I can not make it up, say sorry or repent.

People say nothing is forever, time changes, and pain goes away. I don’t believe it anymore, some things just can’t be changed, they forever are what they are

This pain is so deep and has been going on for so long, I am torn up, shredded, broken and now the weakest in spirit thus far.

I cannot have a do-over, I cannot have my loved ones back, I cannot be loved by the ones I cry out for for every night

My health is failing rapidly my attitude is bleak and it seems like nothing will make things right

The physical pain I can handle; it’s the emotional pain that’s the worst, my life was spent shamefully, causing others pain. I’ve lost all my loved ones and regret runs constantly through my brain.

I miss her, I miss her, I miss her, I want her back in my life. Everything is so wretched dark without her, I’ve lost time in reality and have momentarily gone insane

I hurt, I hurt so bad, but I hurt her so very much i know. Her pain i can feel too in the very core of my soul

Losing her, and my grandson is all I can think about everday. I never wanted her to feel pain or pay for my inabilities, she didnt deserve that role.

She's gone and so is my grandson. I have no one left so I've isolated, wanting to disappear then die and never be found

She was the only person  I loved on this planet, I swear I never intentionally set out or made plans to hurt her or let her down

But in the end, it is the end and I can’t change what is. What was, is.. and continues, as an echo traveling through space and time

Someday when my past meets the last day of my future, there won’t be such pain. God has forgave me, His grace and mercy aline

My prayers are heard and I believe He will bring us back together here or there

If I have to choose… I’d rather be eternally together there than momentarily together here

Good bye my sweet sugarbug, jbird too. Soon I must go forever to a place I’ve never been

My body will be gone, my spirit will be free. I pray everyday you both will enjoy a happiness through salvation and your pain will be forgotten replaced with great joy within

3 responses to “I hurt”

  1. Oh my heart aches for you hearing your broken soul.
    I’m so sorry for your loss and I can’t imagine the pain you must feel.

    Sending you so much love and light that it might fill your heart with a speck of light to see you through the day.. They would want that for you. They love you!


    Liked by 1 person

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