Hybrid Style Art by Isteb

I’m not even sure what one is, I suppose that someone who rhymes or has something to say, things very emotional and personal, that changes another person in some way

For me I do both, but it’s not usually altruistic, it’s usually because I have so much pain and so much loss and if I don’t get it out I’ll go insane

It is what it is and it will be what it will be, I really can’t change the past but I can change me

For the first time in a long time I’m experiencing freedom from the Dark Shadows that have haunted me my whole life and I think it’s from this writing getting out the rage and strife

Because of the person I was before and the things that I had done, I lost some relationships I valued and now they’re gone

They’re not dead, they’re just a few miles away, but I’m not allowed in their lives from things from long past yesterday’s

I actually believe if they knew me today they would invite me in and ask me to stay. I’m a much better human now, not so immature and I’ve grown up during this pain somehow

I guess loss, pain and suffering changes people. Its changed me into someone else and that someone else is someone I actually like today, I like me.

So no I’m not a poet or maybe I am, but I don’t write for others, I write for me because someday I think it will help me to see me for me, and to grant me an abundant life that’s free

I rent and I rave and I whine and I cry, and inside sometimes I feel like the world would be a better place if I would just die

Fortunately, I know that’s not true. I was created for something I’ve yet to achieve besides, I would never intentionally do something to hurt my Cŕeator or you

So long as there is breath in my lungs and brain matter in my head, I will move forward with the living and let go of what’s apparently dead

My writings are always so Bleak and dark, but I suppose that’s because until now I have had little Spark. Well at least not for a long time and on top of that, for about 2 years I’ve been in deep mourning and grief

But I can’t stay in this dark sad place anymore, it’s not good for anyone, it doesn’t erase the grief instead its increasing my pain and i get no relief

So there you go, my testimony, my truth and my shame. An admission or perhaps a proclamation. I am aware I’m not a poet just a person that has been in pain for so long,  I used what I call poetry to attempt a kind of pain free vacation

But for those of you who really are poets, thank you so much for allowing me to rant and rave and pretend that I’m one of you, and even help me to pretend I have some talent

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still going to write, because inside there’s still this huge fight. I want to live, I want to love and I want to be all right. Without this outlet, my story might look more like the end of me forever in darkness with no light to shine out.

Thank you all,

Isteb Grah