I’m no poet

I’m not even sure what one is, I suppose that someone who rhymes or has something to say, things very emotional and personal, that changes another person in some way

For me I do both, but it’s not usually altruistic, it’s usually because I have so much pain and so much loss and if I don’t get it out I’ll go insane

It is what it is and it will be what it will be, I really can’t change the past but I can change me

For the first time in a long time I’m experiencing freedom from the Dark Shadows that have haunted me my whole life and I think it’s from this writing getting out the rage and strife

Because of the person I was before and the things that I had done, I lost some relationships I valued and now they’re gone

They’re not dead, they’re just a few miles away, but I’m not allowed in their lives from things from long past yesterday’s

I actually believe if they knew me today they would invite me in and ask me to stay. I’m a much better human now, not so immature and I’ve grown up during this pain somehow

I guess loss, pain and suffering changes people. Its changed me into someone else and that someone else is someone I actually like today, I like me.

So no I’m not a poet or maybe I am, but I don’t write for others, I write for me because someday I think it will help me to see me for me, and to grant me an abundant life that’s free

I rent and I rave and I whine and I cry, and inside sometimes I feel like the world would be a better place if I would just die

Fortunately, I know that’s not true. I was created for something I’ve yet to achieve besides, I would never intentionally do something to hurt my Cŕeator or you

So long as there is breath in my lungs and brain matter in my head, I will move forward with the living and let go of what’s apparently dead

My writings are always so Bleak and dark, but I suppose that’s because until now I have had little Spark. Well at least not for a long time and on top of that, for about 2 years I’ve been in deep mourning and grief

But I can’t stay in this dark sad place anymore, it’s not good for anyone, it doesn’t erase the grief instead its increasing my pain and i get no relief

So there you go, my testimony, my truth and my shame. An admission or perhaps a proclamation. I am aware I’m not a poet just a person that has been in pain for so long,  I used what I call poetry to attempt a kind of pain free vacation

But for those of you who really are poets, thank you so much for allowing me to rant and rave and pretend that I’m one of you, and even help me to pretend I have some talent

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still going to write, because inside there’s still this huge fight. I want to live, I want to love and I want to be all right. Without this outlet, my story might look more like the end of me forever in darkness with no light to shine out.

Thank you all,

Isteb Grah

14 responses to “I’m no poet”

  1. I would like to recommend a book for you: SOZO Saved Healed Delivered: A Journey into Freedom with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit
    by Teresa Liebscher.
    I would be happy to walk with you through the chapters if you need the support. And if you can’t get the book for financial reasons I will send it to you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Is it on Amazon or Barnes & Noble or where would I get it? I will you know because when I receive advice and I believe it comes from someone who truly cares or listens to God I follow it common as you can see I truly do need some Direction and guidance and a friend

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “So there you go, my testimony, my truth and my shame. An admission or perhaps a proclamation.”
    Keep writing and sharing.. the best is yet to come. ❣️

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you!!! That means a lot!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re so welcome my dear.. always ! 💞

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Have I mentioned lately how cool you are?

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I love it when you reblog my stuff it makes me happy thank you


  4. Creating is a wonderful therapy. I know it brings me joy. Follow your joy and magical things start happening. That’s not to say that what you create has to be happy. It can be a healing confrontation with the shadows. When I witness my pain, it heals. Sometimes the creative act is a mystery until one day you see how it helped you manifest something, and these synchronicities are miracles.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Today I am good and I’m also very proud to be able to tell you congratulations and I’m very excited for you. You rock lady

      Liked by 1 person

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