No one knows what really goes on inside of a family, sometimes not even the family members themselves. I for one was blinded just so much. I’d give anything to go back change a few things but of course we all know that’s impossible. I do however believe that I can move forward and each day change a little bit more for the positive. Someday, perhaps my family will want me back but for now the only two that are important to me don’t. Well one doesn’t the other one doesn’t even know exist. You see I’ve been told that this one particular person was only nice to me well fake nice to me so that they could get something they wanted when their grandparents died and they were afraid that if they were mean to me they wouldn’t get it. So when the grandparents died and they got what they wanted they began to shut me out not slowly either, in fact it was quite quickly. I love this person with my whole heart and I still do even though I’m made out to be the bad guy but they’re the ones withholding love and they don’t say how painful that is or perhaps they don’t care. Either way it doesn’t matter I’m alone in this world and everything that was near and dear to me is gone. Fortunately humans are resilient and I have recreated my world in a way that I want it with my belief systems I get to care for people that hate me I get to do things I don’t want to do just cuz you’re good for me and I get to not do things that are bad for me just because I want to be healthy. I don’t withhold love, as a matter of fact I don’t know how to unlove and I never want to learn and had this person stayed in my life eventually I probably would have learned how to unlove someone and I think that is one of the worst things possible to learn or be or practice. But to this person I say I love you with my whole heart even though we’re Worlds Apart but really only 20 minutes Drive I wish we were together and I wish I could hear your voice one more time, see your face, just anything anything at all a glimpse of you at the store without you knowing I could see you or a random picture on the web popping up would be nice. But it’s okay I have memories and nobody can take them away and I choose to put them in my new world because love is love and love is forever for me. I’m not great at it but I try I try really hard. When I leave this world I want the ones that I love to know that they were loved.

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