Hybrid Style Art by Isteb

When I was a little girl my mom was everything to me and then as I grew up it’s like I abandoned her but then she and her husband are 40 years really didn’t need me. But he died in 2015 and she needed me she needed me bad and thank God I was there and I stayed till the very last breath. Within a week of him passing she had to go into the hospital cuz she was so sick but she survived and for the first year my daughter and her ex-husband took care of her and I would come out on the weekends and then in 2016 I moved in and I stayed until she died in 2020. I miss her I wish she was here with me right now because she’d know what to do and how to help me she was such a prayer Warrior and she and I became very very close it was such a wonderful time of my life that part anyways. Her being sick and her health declining that part wasn’t fun but I was there and I didn’t leave her side, no matter what she’d ever said or done to hurt my feelings or make me mad I never held it against her. My daughter she’s not with me she won’t even talk to me and now that I need somebody my mom or my daughter I don’t have them but that’s okay because I have God I have a husband and I have a dog so even though I miss her well I miss them both I’m not alone but I still don’t know what to do I don’t know how to fix this. I can’t live like this but I also won’t do anything to not live like this in other words I’m not suicidal but I am a hot mess I really do need some divine intervention. I don’t really want any replies to this but I had to get it out of my head because I’m standing in my living room crying and screaming I miss my mom and I don’t want to be alive anymore and I’m asking God to please just let me die because the pain is so intense I can’t do anything to make it better no matter what I try and the doctors can’t help me yet unless I go to the emergency room and the one here is so bad, that’s where I keep getting these infections and poor surgeries so I don’t want to go there I just don’t want to go there I just don’t know what to do so anyways blah blah blah cry cry I’m so sorry I’m a Debbie Downer I’m really a nice person and I have a great sense of humor and I’m usually very playful and I write funny things and I draw funny pictures and I make people laugh a lot at least I used to now I don’t know who I am. This kind of pain I’ve never experienced before and I have a really good surgeon just a crappy Hospital okay I’m done venting well maybe not but for now