Do you think people wonder if their friends are real?

Since the pandemic Everything’s changed and people act differently and even I do. The people that I thought I could count on with my entire heart body soul mind Etc turned out to be the ones that bailed immediately one because he had a stroke and had no choice and the other had their own reasons. I have a handful of friends or at least they’re acquaintances but there are a couple of people on the planet that even if I hadn’t seen them in 20 years I know for a fact that if we run into each other or call each other that we’re just as close as we were 20 years ago. The ease is there the trust is there and I know they’re my friends but there’s only a couple the rest are just really acquaintances or people I know and I miss pre-pandemic days because I know there’s a lot of people out there that are super super cool and would make wonderful real true friends but I’ll never know because I don’t go anywhere or do anything and that’s partially cuz I’m sick but it’s also because somehow I became a house Bound in my mind agoraphobic or something and suddenly I hate driving even though I have a brand new car it’s weird it’s a weird weird world now. I know I’m a good friend to other people good people because I’ve had friendships for 42 years in one case 45 and another and I know how to teach people to treat me and I know how to treat people the way they need to be treated and feel honored and special yet at ease I know how to be truthful and loyal I know how to really actually care about somebody’s well-being and I know how to let somebody help me and I know how to help other people these are all really good characteristics and I know there’s a bunch of people out there that have them I just wish they’d knock on my door so I could meet them LOL and no I’m not going to post my address but that would be funny maybe I’ll post somebody else’s address okay no that’s not nice but it is funny and I wouldn’t do it but I will joke about it cuz I think it’s funny anyways that’s it I just wonder if other people wonder

Please note the lack of punctuation was intentional because I’m on my phone in my hammock after picking up dog poop all morning and I just didn’t feel like it it being punctuating all I feel like doing is thinking of ways to crack myself up. I have to go to the hospital today I’m trying to procrastinate that’s actually really what I’m doing is procrastinating who in the right mind wants to pick up an entire pail of dog poop when they’re in excruciating pain I don’t know anybody that wants to do that intentionally but I did it because I don’t want to go to the hospital yeah but the inevitable is the inevitable and so I have to go and every time I go to this Hospital they hurt me and I come home with an infection and I’m still on antibiotics for the last two infections that haven’t gotten any better and to top it all off I just talked to my GI doctor and the last 4 months of all of this surgeries and all this pain and all of these things that have happened there has been absolutely zero progress towards my esophagus healing which is the whole point of this because they’re going to take and reconstruct everything so that they can get my esophagus to stop bleeding internally all the time and get the cancer out but according to her and she did enough for GI a couple of days ago it looks the same if not worse then when this all started so I’m frustrated and I’m also mad at the hospital because somehow my body is reluctant see to heal or adapt or whatever is the hospitals fault which cracks me up because I’m blaming like the structure because there’s not a person I can blame just a structure which holds a bunch of people but it’s not all of their fault not every single one of them gave me infections just one or two sloppy workers and I don’t know which one so I can’t even blame the humans so I’ll just blame the building now I totally am rambling. Maybe it’s the fever? Maybe that’s why I’m rambling and not punctuating and procrastinating, huh nope I can’t be it I think it’s purely because what they’re going to do to me is really going to hurt and I don’t want hurt anymore. At this point you know what they don’t even give me pain meds anymore because I have a high tolerance to pain and even though I’m crying and you can totally tell by my vitals and buy everything else that I’m absolutely like an excruciating pain they don’t even offer me a Tylenol nothing maybe they hate me or maybe I should just ask for some pain medication when they’re doing it but the one time I did they said no that I could handle it which really pissed me off anyways I’m going to stop now I really am thank you for listening to my rambling say a prayer for me talk to you later

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