Inside my mind,

I think there may be dendrites/ synapses and all the other little things that go in along with the brain and the way it is communicating inside my mind in an odd way today. Unfortunately, I think that my entire brain firing system, nervous system and internal communication Highway system is temporarily faulty and defective. Fortunately I think it’s temporary due to my illness and the stress that it’s causing on my vagus nerve, This nerve is the nerve reeking all the damage on my body causing my illnesses and no one can pin point why. But since it’s unpredictable and random it will devastate some kind of organ or system in my body and then stop and go somewhere else suddenly it moves around and that gives the previous system that it was messing with time to either heal or doctors fix it or the damage is permanent so it’s a toss-up everyday but most things heal in time.

Today and at this very minute, I feel very uncomfortable and confused. Things I do on a normal basis Today are very complicated, and even the simplest things have me almost paralyzed and unable to react or respond. I have another surgery on Monday and I suspect that once that’s over with some healing time, some of “me” will come, I don’t know that the nerve is doing this to my brain but if it is it’s the first time ever and I’m not too worried about it because the brain is so beautifully designed that it reroutes and does all kinds of beautiful magical miraculous things adjust to its new normals.

Mondays t’s not the last surgery in this process it’s just the next one but I think it’s a good thing that I’m having it because I don’t really like this feeling I’m having. they don’t match, they don’t match, seriously I don’t like it, it’s like my wires are crossed! If I stub my toe, its my elbow that might hurt, don’t know if I need to go to the bathroom or throw up, can’t tell if I’m thirsty or hot, I keep checking the microwave for bottled water , my mental mapping is kaput, seriously I’ve lived in the town I’m in now for a year and a half and I couldn’t remember how to find Safeway yesterday and it’s only a mile away Plus it doesn’t move it’s solid structure so that means the only thing that was different was my brain and my sense of direction thank God for maps on Google. It’s just so weird but I’m lucky cuz it’s comes and goes. It may come sometime and never go away that’s possible but it’s not doing that yet so I’m lucky. I’ve had several bouts of these and I’m not sure what it is or where it’s coming from or why it’s happening but like I said earlier it is what it is until it isn’t. I am just going to roll with it, I am alive, I feel content about being confused it would but I do. I’m not sad or mad I don’t have those feelings about what I’m experiencing right now but I am confused and I am uncertain as to what it is I’m experiencing and I probably sound like a lunatic telling the world ( less than 60 followers lol) all this stuff, and who knows I might even be a lunitics hard to say, I guess time will tell so anyways just thought I’d check in again what the heck, my last two blogs have been very weird and well actually a lot of my blogs have been weird cuz sometimes I go back and reread them and I’m like, what????? I am so weird!!¡! Some of them I meant. And some I meant to say something different than how it came out. it came out how it came out and so like I said before it is what it is, so I figure I’ll leave it, or edit and sometimes I try to delete but rarely am able to. I don’t know if an error in the program that doesn’t let people delete stuff or if it’s an error in ya technical abilities and current broken brain LOL because all I can usually do is put it in trash and it just sits there and haunts me. anyways I don’t have anything really to say I’m rambling now I’ve been rambling this whole time and not punctuating and just wanted to tell everybody that I don’t know what the heck is going on with me I think I fried some brain cells you know earlier in my younger years and I think right now I’m for whatever reason that’s where my my brain is rerouted to from the sickness and my illness and the surgeries and the stress blah blah blah and so I think I’m in the damaged area of my brain and so I know that that’ll pass because I I’ve been in the damage part of my brain before. heck I’m the one who damaged it and then got out and then you know visited it a couple of times ever since then for one reason or another and anyways I think I’m just under a lot of stress so I’m going to go to bed early and think God that I had a great day and that I will have a Blog that I can write a bunch of stuff on and if people don’t want to read it they don’t have to and if they want to read it they can and if they want to say mean things I can delete it…. I’m just kidding, if they want to say mean things I can if they want to say nice things they can and if they don’t want to talk to me ever again or at all that they don’t have to there’s a lot of positive stuff in that process so talk to you later alligator I am hitting the hay baby yep okay I am such a nerd sweet dreams I wish everybody well and I hopefully I will have a good Easter Sunday and I hope everybody else does too I know that I’m going to be remembering it for what it is to me and I won’t be eating rabbit droppings, they don’t fit in feeding tube. I don’t eat chocolate anymore unless I want to be sick for a few days. Plus I always thought it was kind of weird to eat chocolate eggs that are wrapping eggs or chocolate a rabbit poops out so I just can’t wrap my head around but for those of you that can I hope you enjoy those rabbit droppings and I can see eating the rabbit but anyways happy Easter if if you celebrate Easter and if you don’t, happy bunny day or Happy Candy Day or happy whatever day you want to call it I just hope everybody has a wonderful day and that that y’all feel special cuz we are all special in our own way yeah yeah okay I really should shut up now okay goodbye

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: